My lesson for the day has been TRUST... Like truly trust... You never really notice how much of a survivalist you are when you are raised to do for yourself... You really don’t trust in anyone to get anything done for you but yourself... Maybe it’s because you’ve been let down so many times by expecting roads out of dead ends... Or maybe you were raised to educate yourself, be a critical thinker, figure your own shit out or follow the mindless masses behind someone else who will think for you... etc...
God challenged me today... He challenged my trust in him... & yes, surface wise, I trust him... at least I thought I did... until I was put in a paralyzing position where I had nothing but my thoughts and I was still in survival mode trying to fight and figure shit out on my own... not realizing I was put in that vulnerable position where I was completely immobilized, couldn’t move, gifts weren’t working... I was completely stripped and powerless and I was still fighting solo... It wasn’t until I realized all my efforts weren’t “working” that I had one last resort... GOD... and in that moment, finally calling out to him, I was hit with the FEAR of “what if he doesn’t come/doesn’t hear me?!”... At that very vulnerable moment - though it wasn’t clear during the ordeal... But reflecting back, it was very clear that real thorough trust wasn’t there... Even though in the front of my mind I thought trust was there... until I was stripped bare...
I share this transparent moment with you because a lot of us were built to survive... Trust ourselves; no man, no woman, no God, to ever get us through anything... Raised to work for everything we got... Learned through pain to never count on anyone... Avoid rejection and closed doors by creating our own... Hoping and wishing for blessings when you only truly believe in yourself...
A lot of you will argue that you truly trust God and have always shown gratitude... But if you were stripped of every talent that you have, immobilized, find yourself in “bad luck” streaks, etc. would you still be singing the same tune or would you jump ship - did you?
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